Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
MBE: Catch a Falling Star Chapter 1 by redneckgaijin

:iconcieva3:
I enjoyed this story. It was very well written, and a credit to both your writing style and your grasp of vocabulary. The Green Lantern expy was what sold it for me, though; There are a number of interesting places you could go from that beginning. I also was pleased by the fact that you decided to begin a central plot-line to this portion of the Bet series; with the rest of the entries possibly only standing together, with nothing extemporaneous to bring to the story except the protagonists, this entry allows for a greater narrative. Very nice.

However, you allowed yourself to be caught in the Star Trek Trap; that of non-interference. This wasn't justified by the rest of the narrative, and both of the alien characters came off as being arrogant in their "superiority", as well as unnecessary for the storyline, when the absence of such a detail would not have diminished the quality of the story in the least.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconredneckgaijin:
redneckgaijin Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
Thanks for your input. I do intend to have, if I get that far, a bit of contact back and forth between the girls, crossing back and forth with their individual storylines.

There are two reasons for the "prime directive" rip. First, the Ranger Device is a tool designed by your standard stereotypical advanced alien do-gooders. Putting in hardwired safeguards against abuse seemed de rigeur- and you can bet I WILL be coming back to that in future chapters, from various angles.

Second, consider both the Marvel and DC universes. In both cases 20th and 21st Century Earth gets visited by so many aliens that the UN ought to open up a planetary tourist board. Yet despite this Earth has not yet joined the interstellar community- despite the fact that, at some point, various super-scientists MUST have acquired interstellar travel tech. (Reed Richards, Charles Xavier, and Doctor Doom on the Marvel side; the Justice League, Lex Luthor and STAR Labs on the other.)

I strongly dislike that aspect of both universes. Once you have a genuine First Contact of any sort, no matter what the aliens do, the humans are going to do their damndest to get out there. As a species we are much more atavistic and expansionist than most others we know of- show us an environment we can inhabit, and we WILL expand into it, no matter how hostile.

So I decided to deal with the issue with an alien prime directive: the more social civilized races of the stars take a hands-off, zero exposure policy to undeveloped intelligent species until they prove themselves stable enough to achieve starflight without killing themselves off first. Any alien sightings on a pre-starflight planet are, obviously, aliens of the less savory kind.

This has the most noteworthy effect, above all, of keeping Jordan rooted to Earth, at least for the time period the story cycle will cover.

Thanks again for your critique; I hope you enjoy the other parts of Mu Beta Epsilon I've released thus far. I'm currently working on "Amazing Metamorphosis" part 2; after that, more than likely, it'll be "Tainted Salts" part 1, since as yet I don't have a plot settled out for "Even a Woman Who Says Her Prayers" part 2.
Reply
Add a Comment: